Wednesday, July 13, 2011


Recently I took a 10 day vacation back home. It was nice to get away from Dream Center and see how things were going back home, but it was hard to leave once again. It was nice though, to be able to say "This is the last time I have to do this". Meaning, of course, it was the last time having to say bye to everyone back home to leave for the Dream Center. Of course, I can't predict the future, so it may not be the last time, forever. BUT it was nice to be able to say, to my knowledge, that it was the last time I have to say goodbye to all my precious loved ones back home. 

My time home was nice in many ways but it was also kind of hard to be home. There was so much change since I left in February. Not only there at home, but in me as well. 

See, when I left, when it came to being told what to do in a commanding way, I would do it and I would bend over backwards to make sure I could do it for them. I was being controlled by so many different people, who I love and respect, but I was feeling so much pressure from them, I didn't want to let them down or disappoint them, so I felt that I had to be perfect little, yes ma'am, no ma'am Sarah. So when I came back a lot of those same people noticed a change in me that way. I heard a few comments like, "you seem to have more confidence" or "you hold yourself different" or "there's a peace about you that there wasn't before" and I loved hearing that there was a noticeable change. That was one of my fears of coming here and that I would change but go home the same person, or change so much that people didn't know who I was.  People accepted me just fine, but some had a problem adjusting to me actually saying no to them. 

One of the biggest people I had a problem with was my family. They were some of the people who mostly controlled me before I left. I was someone that could be walked all over and never say a word about it. Well, that changed, and most of them didn't like it. One of the people I was worried about having a problem with was my mom, but she was actually one of the people who respected and understood that change in me. But, a lot of my other family members did not like the fact that I would tell them no or I would actually argue a point with them. Now, it wasn't in a disrespectful way. Dream Center has taught me how to speak respectfully to people above you, and treat everyone as an equal but at the same time not let them walk all over you and treat you like a low life. So I guess what I'm saying is I now have a backbone and will stand up for myself, which I really did need to learn. I will still be respectful and treat everyone equally but at the same time I will expect the same in return and not to be treated rudely.

Someone made the comment that I seem to have a peace about me, which I found very hard to believe due to the fact that I have been feeling so NOT at peace for the longest time. But, what I came to decide what they saw was that I have come to realize that I can stress about everything and carry everyone's burdens on my shoulders. I can only take care of myself, and myself has to be ok before I can try to take care of other people. At the same time, when I was home, I was very relaxed while being home due to knowing that I couldn't change anything there anymore than I could change the weather (which was COLD) and that I was just happy to be home and surrounded by the people I care most about in my life.

Anyway, so going home was a refreshing but semi-challenging event. When I was home I realized how many people I have been blessed with in my life that care about me, and how much I truly missed them. They may challenge me and try to control who I am (some of them) but they all love me and I love them. I can't wait to go home and be with them again, in just two and a half months. It's weird thinking about how much has changed in so little time though, and that's what I'm going to have problems adjusting to when I go home. There were people back home that I revolved my world around, and now I have to start living for myself, doing things that I enjoy, for me.

Going home was really good in a spiritual way too. I got to meet with my godfather Jim, my pastor Sam and his wife Sharnessa, and some other spiritual leaders in my life and I got to be filled up again by their encouraging words and hope for my life. I got to talk to them and ask for their really good advice and their wise words, in person, once again. I missed those meetings.

I got to spend time with my family that I haven't gotten to see for a while, my dad's side of the family, my brother that just got back from overseas and my sister and her husband who are expecting their first child, a little baby girl. I got to see my "second" family, the Jacobson's which was really nice, they always make me feel so loved and welcomed in their lives. I got to meet my precious, beautiful goddaughter, Fayth for the first time since she's been born, she's now two months old, man they grow up fast. I got to meet my best friend's new man, Thomas, who I actually like, (I don't usually like her taste in men) he's pretty cool.

All in all it was a great trip, you know what I forgot to do though? Take pictures...I'll make sure to take a bunch when I go home for good in a couple months.