The newest addition...Liam!

I just seem to be behind in everything lately, but for my birthday last month my lovely fiance, agreed to let me get a dog. I knew that since I wouldn't be at the apartment enough of the time to get a puppy so I knew from the beginning I wanted that I wanted to start out with an older puppy dog. One that was already somewhat trained but DEFINITELY house-trained. 

I always find myself looking on craigslist at dogs and such and so I knew how many dogs were on there looking for new homes. Most of the time it's for ridiculous reasons like they're moving or they just had a new kid or they just got a new job or work schedule. I can understand that somewhat but seriously, dogs are very good at adjusting to new things so most of the time these reasons are bogus.

So, when Chris told me that we could start looking for a dog I was so excited. So I started my hunt. I knew I wanted a German Shepherd but I didn't care if it was a mix or not, but I knew I wanted a German Shepherd. And I was ok with either male or female as long as the female was fixed. 

After only a couple of days, I found the perfect dog. It was a male, German Shepherd Lab mix who was a year and a half. He was house-trained and came with a crate, leash and collar and food bowls. He was perfect.

So I called.

I asked if he was still available.

He was.

I asked a couple of questions about him.

Then it was their turn.

They asked a couple of questions, which I answered.

Then it came down to the moment of truth.

Could I have him?

Yes!

I was so excited I could barely stand it. I couldn't wait. We made agreements to meet up in two days and then he would be all mine.

The day I went and got him was a very exciting day. I took my best friend Dezi with me for the car ride and for safety reasons and it was just great.

When we got to the meeting point and I was so anxious I was pacing back and forth. Dezi continuously laughed at my anxiety and impatience. 

When the old owner finally showed up and then out came the dog. He was scared and nervous with the businesses around us. And he was shy. But he was so stinking cute.

The old owner handed over the leash, said his final goodbyes and told me good luck and left. 

This was it, he was mine.

It took a while for him to come around but now, he's my baby. He follows me around from room to room and he's just such a pleasure to have around. 

Everyone, meet my new baby, Liam.

The beginning of a new year

Well, I know this is a little late but I'm so excited for this new year! 2011 was NOT my year, although it had quite a bit of good learning periods and events but seriously, I can't wait to see what this year holds.

So, I'm not one to set new years resolutions, never have been, but what I do like to do is have "hopes for the year". Like, last year I hoped to figure out who I was as I spent my time in the Dream Center and grow closer to God, that was accomplished =)

This year all I was hoping for was a job, to do well in school and to finish school, and to just begin my life really, as last year was kind of my, figure stuff out year, this year I hope to actually START my life...and I have actually already started doing that, which is another reason I'm so late on my "New Years post".

First thing that has kind of helped "start" my life is that I got engaged...it has taken a while to get used to that term, as well as fiance, but now it's all kinda fun. So one of the things to start doing to start life is, well, wedding plan, and of course, get married. Oh boy! =)

The next thing that has helped me is a spiritual thing. I haven't really been relying on God lately, it's bad I know, but I'm trying, it's just been hard when I have a lot of people to rely on lately. Back at the Dream Center I really had only God to really rely on so being back home and having everyone back in my life has been kind of a hard adjustment where God and I stand, but because His love never fails and never gives up, WE are working on it, together. But, God had to get my attention somehow right? This is how he did it...

On January 19th around 1:00 p.m. I got a call from my mom telling me to come and get her from work so we could get to the apartment because it was flooding...with SEWER water. By the time my mom and I reached the apartment we had to hurry and get all that we could get (that hadn't already been touched with the 3-5 inches of sewer water flooding through the ENTIRE apartment) out and to our (Thank You LORD we had it) storage unit. Right after that, my mom had an appointment to get to so I drove her to that but she asked me to go and buy her a soda (pop, soft drink, whatever you call it) and bring it to her. Well, I went ACROSS the street and got the soda, as I was coming back someone ran a red light and drove right into me (in my mom's 2011 Honda Civic). This was my first MAJOR accident, ever, so, as you can imagine, I was QUITE shaken up. The accident happened at 5:03 p.m. So, within FOUR hours my mother and I became homeless and car-less. Crazy huh? Yeah, talk about it.

So, for the last month I have been doing school throughout the day, going to chiropractor appointments, hanging out with my sister and then running around with my mom doing whatever errands she has after she gets off work. Then, we return to our new home...our camping trailer that is parked at a rv park here in town.
 Talk about interesting...it definitely is. And it's been busy, very busy.

Where does the spiritual part come in? Well, through everything my mom and I have been trusting on God to get everything figured out and He has completely been doing just that. He is so great and so wonderful and He knows just what we need to get by from day to day. Instead of allowing ourselves to get lost and hopeless and angry with God, we trusted Him and thanked Him for what we DID have. We have a camp trailer to live in instead of a motel, we have insurance that covered a rental car until last week and now my aunt is letting us borrow her car and we still had each other. BUT there's more. God put us in an RV park where the owner and manager are protective, the neighbors are super friendly and helpful and it's just a nice place to be. On top of THAT our new neighbor Ron is (oddly enough) a mechanic who is helping us fix our truck that we've had just sitting at the apartment because we were too afraid it would break down on us, and my mom's neon that she crashed last year that has been sitting at my old house waiting for someone to be able to fix it. So once the cars are finished not only will we be in a safe home environment, we will have not one but TWO good, reliable running vehicles to get us to where we need to go. ON TOP OF THAT, God has blessed me, with the help of a friend, to find a babysitting job so that I have money to be saving for my wedding and other financial goals. Thank the Lord, isn't He just great?

Lastly, God is giving me the ability to stay on track in school through all of this, so I'm not behind AND I'm doing really good at it and thoroughly enjoying every bit of it!

So, all in all, I have to say, even with the testing and trials of losing a home and car in the same day, 2012 is looking to be a great year.

Wowsers!

Wow wow wow wow wow! It has been SO long since my last blog! Too long! For those of you that have actually followed my little blog here I am truly sorry for skipping out on you, my life has just been a little crazy lately, which I plan to update you on in just a little bit.

For those of you that HAVEN'T been following my blog let me catch you up a little bit. I was spending eight months of my life in Los Angeles all by myself to intern/volunteer at a place called the Dream Center, a non profit organization and a church. They have a ton of different ministries and out reaches that are so incredibly awesome and life changing that you will truly never be the same once you go there and serve. They have a homeless family program, a foster care prevention program, a rehab for not only drug and alcohol addicts but for those that have just lost their way in life and need help getting back on their feet, they have programs like food truck and adopt a block and under the bridge that go out tithe community and bring them food and clothes and basic household and hygienic needs. It's truly an amazing place. Feel free to check it out at dreamcenter.org.

Anyway for those of you following mg blog here's what's up. I've been home now for about four months now, wow wow wow and sooooo crazy, and it's weird. It's like so much has changed but at the same time it hasn't. I'm back home with my mom, very in adult-like I know, but honestly I love it. Sure there's challenges like sharing a room, bed and car with her but I've always been and always will be a mommys girl so I'm enjoying it. I can only be a child for so long, right?

Anyway so I'm back home, STILL looking for work, spending time with family and friends that I missed SO much when I was gone. Yet...it's different. Everyone's lives changed while I was gone just like mine did. So that's taken a bit of adjusting to. Thankfully I've had my m and sister and friends to help me with adjusting back.

A few new things have happened as well. For starters I enrolled into college! I am now a student of Animal Behavior College to become a professional dog trainer. Cool huh? I REALLY like it, A LOT! It's fun and it's interesting and it'll be a fun profession to be a part of when I'm married with kids since its something I could do on my own time.

Another new thing is my boyfriend Chris. He's an amazing, wonderful, incredible, encouraging, supportive man who I honestly think I would be lost without. Even if we weren't dating, I would still need him in my life as a really good, close friend and I would honestly think the exact same about him, he truly is an amazing man of God and I'm do thankful to have been blessed to have him in my life. Even though we've only been dating for a short period of time (since I've been home officially, but unofficially for quite a bit before I came home) he has become a very important person in my life and I know he's a lifer (someone to keep in my life forever). He treats me very well, encourages me in everything (including my walk with God), he's a supporter, and he just makes me happy. He makes me smile and laugh so much with such ease its amazing.

Another thing that has changed and been hard to adjust to is my family. It's really sad because honestly...I feel as if my family is gone. Sure I still have the family members but we're not a unit, not close like before. Do you know how hard it is to split holidays between three, not including Chris' family's, families? Talk about a chicken walking around with it's head cut off! SO hard!

There have been a lot of challenges, most of which I honestly haven't completely dealt with, it's just so much, you know? There's been the whole family thing, the job hunt, the college, struggling to balance friends and family and boyfriend equally and still keep my sanity and get my alone time in.

Lastly, but most CERTAINLY not least, is becoming a very proud auntie! On October 23rd I became the aunt to the worlds cutest baby! I have said time and time again that I really don't know how I'm going to love my kids because I love my beautiful niece way too much already. It's such a blessing to be a part of something so absolutely wonderful such as beig an aunt. See how prideful I am?

Well that's it for now but I'll be sure to get back to regular updates again. Thanks for reading!

Starting over

Well, I realized that I hadn't blogged in a while so I decided I would do another catch up blog. This last month has been kind of different. 

For starters, August started out with my church coming here to the Dream Center and it was super fun and it reminded me a lot of where I come from. Being in L.A. even in a Christian environment can have an impact on you that can make you forget who you are, and what you stand for. Don't get me wrong, L.A. and the Dream Center have both had a good impact on me as well, more good then bad. But it still has had a little bit of a bad impact as well. But my church coming here in August quickly made me remember who I am and where I come from and whipped me back into shape. They also made me REALLY, REALLY, REALLY miss home which has put me on this anxious wait and major countdown to come home which I have had to work on because if I focus on just that then I won't be focusing on what God has in store for me for the last of my time here. 

The second thing that has made the last month or so weird is that Bri, my room mate that I started the year out with, is no longer here. I miss her like crazy!!! It's just been weird because I came here and had Bri, and she became my best friend here and now she's gone and it feels like I have to start all over again friend-wise due to having that void of no longer having a best friend here at DC. So that has been weird to adjust to. 

On top of Bri leaving we had a new addition to our room family. Meaning Georgia. She's from England. She's awesome. She's 18. She's boy crazy =) Georgia came in at a time where Bri, Stacy and I were just like, REALLY? ANOTHER ROOM MATE? and then she ended up winning us all over. We LOVE Georgia. She fit in PERFECTLY.

Then, within this last week, since Bri is gone, we had a spare bed and registration thought it'd be great to give us ANOTHER new room mate the same week Stacy was LEAVING. Meaning, once again, FOUR girls in ONE room the size of the room I had TO MYSELF back home. So, we got Ra'chelle. She's from the Northwest as well. She's 19. Super sweet. Just loud in the mornings...which isn't a good thing for me or anyone else because when I get woken up BEFORE my alarm goes off...well, let's just say grumpy gills comes out...so I've had to work on that, don't want to make the new room mate feel uncomfortable right? 

Another thing is Stacy left, leaving me as the LAST from the original group in our room. It's weird...I feel different. I used to feel really comfortable in our room knowing I was gonna come home to my bri-bri and stacy-loo but both of which are no longer there and now I come home to the two other girls. Please, don't get me wrong, I LOVE LOVE LOVE these other girls but it's just weird when your friends have left you and you're by yourself and you have to make a whole new list of friends just so you don't go crazy for the next month while you wait to go home...

Finally, I come home soon! I'm very, very, VERY excited to come home and see what God has in store for me over the next part of my life. Everything has changed SO MUCH since I left home in February I'm kinda worried if I'm going to have problems adjusting back to my old life...well sort of old life. Then of course there's the fact that I'm going to have to find a job, car and eventually, by the course of a year, my goal is to be living on my own or with a room mate, but not a home. Let's see how that works out huh?

I think that is it for updates except for the fact that going back to the BEAUTIFUL, LOVELY, WONDERFUL, RAINY Northwest couldn't come sooner. I hate heat, especially when it's hitting the hottest days of the year this week here in L.A.

Gaurd Your Heart

So since I came back from vacation last month (wow, it's already been a month that I've been back...well, tomorrow) I have been slacking with my Bible reading...meaning...I haven't been reading my Bible like I was before. Well LATE last night my room mate, Stacy,  was NOT ready for bed although the other three of us (Oh yeah, update I have ANOTHER room mate) of us ladies were. So she decided to do the sleep over thing which is, everyone is laying in bed and you talk and talk and talk...well, mostly it was her talking. She asked us what our highlight God thing was yesterday and she answered first. Well, she ended up reading a Bible verse (Proverbs 3:3-8) and as she was reading it God began moving in me. So, then I turned my grumpy-ready-for-bed-stacy-shut-up attitude to "Stacy, do me a favor and please read the Proverb for the day" (Proverb for the day is reading the chapter of Proverbs that matches the date, for example today is August 4th, so I'd ready Proverbs 4). Which lead to her going back and reading the whole Proverb and the whole time she read it God was just moving. It wasn't one of those Holy Spirit Highs or anything in fact it was something totally different. God didn't get me all excited and on fire, He just simply used the words Stacy was speaking out to speak to my heart and to calm me in a way I haven't been calm in a while. 

Well, once Stacy finished we all stopped talking and went to sleep...except for me. No, now I was awake just soaking in the presence of God, listening to Him speak to me.

Well, God went and worked on a part of me that we are still working on together. You know how a lot of people have this place where it's like "God, You can have everything BUT this part" and God is like, "But I want THAT part, THAT part right THERE!" and you know, we fight and fuss and it's the point where people are like "ok, that's it, I'm done" and they just walk away...all because they don't want to give God the most precious part of themselves to them. 

That part of me is my heart. See, as I've grown up I've had things happen that broke my heart. So, I've grown up and had people have the parts that have already been broken and mended but I kept the part of me that hadn't been broken to myself, no one got it, not even God. God has been after this part of me for a long, long time. This part of me is where I hide everything about me, my fears, my hurts...everything. I've always been afraid that if I gave that part of me to anyone, especially God, I'd have nothing left and I'd fall apart or something of that sort. 

Well, first of all can I just say, God is freaking amazing!!! I love Him so much! See, no matter how stubborn I am (wonder where I get that gene from...mom or dad? BOTH), God can either forcibly or gently move in me and He is so amazing about it, and He gets what He wants and blesses me in return. 

Anyway, so God came to me last night and He moved in one of the most gentlest ways He ever has before. He put me in complete peace before moving though. It was kind of like a surgery, the doctors put you to sleep and then they work on you. That's kind of what God did, He put me in a place of complete and total peace and relaxation, but it wasn't like getting ready for bed, although that's what I had been doing just moments before. So, God got me in this peaceful state and then it was like I could literally feel Him worming His way into that place where I've tried to hide and keep from Him. It was like He was trying to show me what could happen if I would just let Him have it all. Now, I just have to make the decision and do it...it's going to be a hard process for me.

So, anyway, this morning I woke up and decided I'd read the Proverbs of the day since I didn't have much time before work. So I did and this is what stuck out this morning

"23 Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life."

You see, last night God wasn't trying to have me give me my heart out to everyone, just Him. So this is my plan, to give God my heart so that HE can protect it because, after all, He is the best Protector of all right?

Vacation

Recently I took a 10 day vacation back home. It was nice to get away from Dream Center and see how things were going back home, but it was hard to leave once again. It was nice though, to be able to say "This is the last time I have to do this". Meaning, of course, it was the last time having to say bye to everyone back home to leave for the Dream Center. Of course, I can't predict the future, so it may not be the last time, forever. BUT it was nice to be able to say, to my knowledge, that it was the last time I have to say goodbye to all my precious loved ones back home. 

My time home was nice in many ways but it was also kind of hard to be home. There was so much change since I left in February. Not only there at home, but in me as well. 

See, when I left, when it came to being told what to do in a commanding way, I would do it and I would bend over backwards to make sure I could do it for them. I was being controlled by so many different people, who I love and respect, but I was feeling so much pressure from them, I didn't want to let them down or disappoint them, so I felt that I had to be perfect little, yes ma'am, no ma'am Sarah. So when I came back a lot of those same people noticed a change in me that way. I heard a few comments like, "you seem to have more confidence" or "you hold yourself different" or "there's a peace about you that there wasn't before" and I loved hearing that there was a noticeable change. That was one of my fears of coming here and that I would change but go home the same person, or change so much that people didn't know who I was.  People accepted me just fine, but some had a problem adjusting to me actually saying no to them. 

One of the biggest people I had a problem with was my family. They were some of the people who mostly controlled me before I left. I was someone that could be walked all over and never say a word about it. Well, that changed, and most of them didn't like it. One of the people I was worried about having a problem with was my mom, but she was actually one of the people who respected and understood that change in me. But, a lot of my other family members did not like the fact that I would tell them no or I would actually argue a point with them. Now, it wasn't in a disrespectful way. Dream Center has taught me how to speak respectfully to people above you, and treat everyone as an equal but at the same time not let them walk all over you and treat you like a low life. So I guess what I'm saying is I now have a backbone and will stand up for myself, which I really did need to learn. I will still be respectful and treat everyone equally but at the same time I will expect the same in return and not to be treated rudely.

Someone made the comment that I seem to have a peace about me, which I found very hard to believe due to the fact that I have been feeling so NOT at peace for the longest time. But, what I came to decide what they saw was that I have come to realize that I can stress about everything and carry everyone's burdens on my shoulders. I can only take care of myself, and myself has to be ok before I can try to take care of other people. At the same time, when I was home, I was very relaxed while being home due to knowing that I couldn't change anything there anymore than I could change the weather (which was COLD) and that I was just happy to be home and surrounded by the people I care most about in my life.

Anyway, so going home was a refreshing but semi-challenging event. When I was home I realized how many people I have been blessed with in my life that care about me, and how much I truly missed them. They may challenge me and try to control who I am (some of them) but they all love me and I love them. I can't wait to go home and be with them again, in just two and a half months. It's weird thinking about how much has changed in so little time though, and that's what I'm going to have problems adjusting to when I go home. There were people back home that I revolved my world around, and now I have to start living for myself, doing things that I enjoy, for me.

Going home was really good in a spiritual way too. I got to meet with my godfather Jim, my pastor Sam and his wife Sharnessa, and some other spiritual leaders in my life and I got to be filled up again by their encouraging words and hope for my life. I got to talk to them and ask for their really good advice and their wise words, in person, once again. I missed those meetings.

I got to spend time with my family that I haven't gotten to see for a while, my dad's side of the family, my brother that just got back from overseas and my sister and her husband who are expecting their first child, a little baby girl. I got to see my "second" family, the Jacobson's which was really nice, they always make me feel so loved and welcomed in their lives. I got to meet my precious, beautiful goddaughter, Fayth for the first time since she's been born, she's now two months old, man they grow up fast. I got to meet my best friend's new man, Thomas, who I actually like, (I don't usually like her taste in men) he's pretty cool.

All in all it was a great trip, you know what I forgot to do though? Take pictures...I'll make sure to take a bunch when I go home for good in a couple months.

Who? What? Why?

So I've been going through a lot lately. I've been trying to figure out who I am. I know my name is Sarah, I know I'm nineteen, I know my family tree, stuff like that. But who am I? What is my purpose of being here? What am I supposed to do with this life I've been given?

I'm told a lot of the time that I'm a fun girl, that I'm a great friend, that I'm an incredible person. I'm not saying this to sound conceited or anything like, I promise, I'm just saying it's what I'm told. So, then if I'm told this stuff then why don't I really feel like it? Why don't I feel like a cool, amazing, incredible, fun, great person? Why don't I feel like a good person in general? What is it exactly is it that they see?

I was talking to a friend last night and I said I feel like someone going through a mid-life crisis at the beginning of my life. So, maybe this is me finally finding out who I am?

But who is that?

A lot of people that know me call me a goody-goody. I'm not, I make mistakes, I have bad thoughts, I say bad things, I'm not a great person and I'm definitely not as perfect as everyone seems to think I am. I try to be good, I try to please everyone, but it's just not possible. I will never be able to please everyone, I will never be able to be the person everyone expects me to be, because everyone expects different things.  That's just it, everyone expects something out of me.

I feel like I've been giving and giving and trying and trying and I've just come up empty. Someone will come to me and I feel like they're there until they get what they want and they just leave. So why do I keep giving them that? Why do I keep allowing it?

I figured that's just part of who I am, I want to give people what I can so that they'll be around me and like me and all of that, but why does that really matter? Why does it matter so much to me that people like me? I know that I have people that are there that do like me, that will be with me for (hopefully) the rest of my life, like my best friends, my sister and my mom. So why do I have to please everyone else?

So here's what I DO know about myself. My name is Sarah, I'm nineteen, I'm a Christian, I'm in love with Jesus, I have a mommy, a sister and a group of really close friends that I just love and adore and would die for. I can by hyper, I can be mean, I'm not perfect and not everyone will ever completely pleased with me, not even my mom, sister and friends. I know I love to read and write, and it's my escape from life. I know I want to serve God, and I know I want to know who exactly I am. I know I want to do something important with my life.

So what will it be? Who will I be?