So since I came back from vacation last month (wow, it's already been a month that I've been back...well, tomorrow) I have been slacking with my Bible reading...meaning...I haven't been reading my Bible like I was before. Well LATE last night my room mate, Stacy, was NOT ready for bed although the other three of us (Oh yeah, update I have ANOTHER room mate) of us ladies were. So she decided to do the sleep over thing which is, everyone is laying in bed and you talk and talk and talk...well, mostly it was her talking. She asked us what our highlight God thing was yesterday and she answered first. Well, she ended up reading a Bible verse (Proverbs 3:3-8) and as she was reading it God began moving in me. So, then I turned my grumpy-ready-for-bed-stacy-shut-up attitude to "Stacy, do me a favor and please read the Proverb for the day" (Proverb for the day is reading the chapter of Proverbs that matches the date, for example today is August 4th, so I'd ready Proverbs 4). Which lead to her going back and reading the whole Proverb and the whole time she read it God was just moving. It wasn't one of those Holy Spirit Highs or anything in fact it was something totally different. God didn't get me all excited and on fire, He just simply used the words Stacy was speaking out to speak to my heart and to calm me in a way I haven't been calm in a while.
Well, once Stacy finished we all stopped talking and went to sleep...except for me. No, now I was awake just soaking in the presence of God, listening to Him speak to me.
Well, God went and worked on a part of me that we are still working on together. You know how a lot of people have this place where it's like "God, You can have everything BUT this part" and God is like, "But I want THAT part, THAT part right THERE!" and you know, we fight and fuss and it's the point where people are like "ok, that's it, I'm done" and they just walk away...all because they don't want to give God the most precious part of themselves to them.
That part of me is my heart. See, as I've grown up I've had things happen that broke my heart. So, I've grown up and had people have the parts that have already been broken and mended but I kept the part of me that hadn't been broken to myself, no one got it, not even God. God has been after this part of me for a long, long time. This part of me is where I hide everything about me, my fears, my hurts...everything. I've always been afraid that if I gave that part of me to anyone, especially God, I'd have nothing left and I'd fall apart or something of that sort.
Well, first of all can I just say, God is freaking amazing!!! I love Him so much! See, no matter how stubborn I am (wonder where I get that gene from...mom or dad? BOTH), God can either forcibly or gently move in me and He is so amazing about it, and He gets what He wants and blesses me in return.
Anyway, so God came to me last night and He moved in one of the most gentlest ways He ever has before. He put me in complete peace before moving though. It was kind of like a surgery, the doctors put you to sleep and then they work on you. That's kind of what God did, He put me in a place of complete and total peace and relaxation, but it wasn't like getting ready for bed, although that's what I had been doing just moments before. So, God got me in this peaceful state and then it was like I could literally feel Him worming His way into that place where I've tried to hide and keep from Him. It was like He was trying to show me what could happen if I would just let Him have it all. Now, I just have to make the decision and do it...it's going to be a hard process for me.
So, anyway, this morning I woke up and decided I'd read the Proverbs of the day since I didn't have much time before work. So I did and this is what stuck out this morning
You see, last night God wasn't trying to have me give me my heart out to everyone, just Him. So this is my plan, to give God my heart so that HE can protect it because, after all, He is the best Protector of all right?