Wednesday, March 2, 2011

Like an Ash Tree

This is an ash tree. It is a tree that can grow in various soils and climates and it can grow a lot, it can become really big. The wood from an ash tree is used commonly in sporting equipment like baseball bats, tennis rackets and hockey sticks because the wood is strong enough to be bent and shaped without breaking.

Well, last night, I had a very profound God moment. You see, a few months ago, my youth pastor, (who is actually no longer a youth pastor but an associate pastor at my church) Sam, prophecied that God was calling me to a few things. To make my home in Him, to know that I am chosen, that He chose me, to hold nothing back and to just run full speed into Him, and to become like an ash tree. At the time, I had no clue why God was telling me all this, I had no reason to not be holding tight to Him, to not make my home in him, and I had no clue what He meant by becoming like an ash tree. I didn't even know what an Ash tree was. 

Well, over the last few months I forgot all about this prophecy and have just gotten EXTREMELY caught up in other things, honestly I have fallen away from Christ even though I've come to L.A.  to serve for Him. There have just been a lot of crazy things going on in my life that I just didn't understand what God was doing, or where He even was for all of it. I came to the lowest point in my belief that I have ever been. In all honesty, I just wanted to forget all about God and walk away from my faith completely. I have never been that way before, I was so lost, confused and hurt. So I buried myself in other things like friends, family, my amazing boyfriend, music, anything I could do that wasn't God, I tried. Now don't get me wrong I didn't turn to drugs or alcohol or anything else like that, I just pretty much stopped my relationship with God. I stopped praying, I stopped seeing the beauty of his creation like I used to...I just stopped.

When I came here I was a WRECK and everyone kept telling me, "pray about it", "dig into Him" and "just believe that God is right there and that's He's not leaving you, He knows what He's doing". Well, I didn't. I mean I tried, I tried praying, I tried trusting and believing but I just...didn't. Until about last week,  I had a conversation with my godfather back home and He just got me thinking. So, I started really trying to dig back into God. I've tried to pray everyday, tried to get some worship time in with Him and I have a few times, just not as often as I liked. And it was as though every time I was in the presence of God, everytime I prayed, everytime I listened to worship music, I was good, but it was almost as soon as I was out of that presence that I was instantly depressed, upset, and battling the battles again. Then last Thursday I heard that message of laying down the wood, and things have really been getting better. 

Until yesterday, I was just...blah. I just didn't want I guess. Everything annoyed me or upset me, I just needed to get away, from everything and everyone. So I did. I went to my room, turned on my worship music and just sat there. Then I opened my bible and out fell the old prophecy from Sam. And I read it. Which led to me googling facts about the Ash tree...and what is written in the first paragraph above is what I found, and what hit me a slap in the face. I started crying and just praying and laughing and I was just, with Jesus. It was fantastic. 


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